Self-Love

Even before the onslaught of social media, the human tendency was to seek out approval from others, validation even from strangers, before we would ever consider our own opinions of ourselves worthy.

But now, with so much pressure to make ourselves and our lives look important, desirable, interesting, loved and lovable, we not only have to be liked, we have to be “liked.” Even if you’re only a casual user of social media platforms, the pressure to be seen and validated is not only prevalent, it’s pressured, overtly or otherwise, by the platforms themselves.

So, in this time of great transformation for so many of us, it’s time to go inward, to re-introduce ourselves to our true voices, and the concept of Self Love.

The irony of being so pressured to put on such a great face to the world through these means, is that we are still called selfish, or fear being called such, if we are actually engaging in self-care.

When I have worked with clients on this issue, especially if they were in a situation where they weren’t being treated very well, I would ask them, “if your best friend was dealing with this kind of disrespect, what would you tell them? You’d tell them they are worth more, that you can’t stand to see them being treated this way, and you’d beg them to get out of it, wouldn’t you?” Of course, the answer was always yes. But turning that love inward was so much more difficult for them, as it often is for many people. Mainly because, when we got to the heart of the issue, there was a feeling of that self-prioritizing being selfish, and that we often still want the person who is hurting us, to still care about us, so we sacrifice our own basic needs.

But the conflict for us comes in when we start to think about the things we would like to have in our lives, whether it’s a fulfilling job, a loving partnership, or enough money to pursue our lives the way we’d love to. What we want for ourselves is often too much at odds with the way that we speak to ourselves.

What we tell ourselves is usually learned behavior. We’re not born thinking it’s selfish to want an amazing life here; we’re born remembering that that’s what this experience is supposed to be. But then we’re born and we’re met with the gravity of humanity. Not just the gravitational pull that keeps us on the ground, literally, but the one that keeps us from the permission to soar, otherwise: the voices around us. In order to not upset them, or risk ostracizing ourselves, we learn to ignore the voice inside.

But it has always stayed with us, and we always hear it, even if we choose not to heed it. But many of you may have noticed, especially in the last few months, that it is growing louder and more demanding. You may be feeling rebellious, sick of the status quo and just wanting to say no, a lot more than you used to. It’s not an angry feeling, necessarily, but it is a liberating one.

If you’re feeling this way, and want to work with the next step, try this exercise:

Close your eyes and take a deep breath, then start listing to yourself the things you love about you. They don’t have to be big things. It could be something like, “I love that dogs like me. I like what that seems to say about me,” or, “I love that I love music. I love what joy I have allowed into my life because of it.” But be sure to include things about you that are complimentary: I love that I’m smart; I love that I’m a great listener; I love that I make my friends laugh.

As you do this exercise, you’ll notice that your energy changes. You will feel lighter, and probably happier. When you have at least ten things on your list, switch your thoughts to intentions, using the phrase, “I love myself enough to/for…”

“I love myself enough to have friends and/or a partner who is loving to me;” “I love myself enough to have the career I want;” “I love myself enough to keep going to the gym.”

Tailor the list to your specific desires, and you might be surprised at what starts coming out of that voice that has for so long been hushed. If you take it to heart, you will feel an immediate change in your vibration, and then things around you will start to change. And now, when you hear that inner voice, follow it.